My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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