i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
