Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
