I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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