turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
