So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
