I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
