I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
