If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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