Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize
