My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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