Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
