bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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