Acid is not a monday night drug
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
