Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
3pm strippers are depressing
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
