Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Pappa wants mamma naked
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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