Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
