Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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