maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
