He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
