Michael Bay diarrhea
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
