I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
