Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
her vagine was all disorganized.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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