If that was your dad, he is hot
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
