oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
