Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
