..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
