You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
