Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
