And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
