Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Say something about gay babies.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
