This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
