I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Randomize
