A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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