battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
