I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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