bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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