I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
