I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
