omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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