frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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