i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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