I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
