Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
