john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
