You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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