I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
