Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
