I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
