I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
