Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
