I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
