I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
