Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
