Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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