Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
